Exercises in Futility

If I had to choose a tagline for my movie, this would probably be it. Of course, why would there be a movie about uninteresting people like me? Well, I'm sure the writers could add ninjas.

Futility, you have to love it. "Resistance is futile", and all those fun expressions. Obviously a humourous jumping off point for insulting myself. That is what I do, isn't it? What is so fruitless about my efforts, you may ask? A list might come in handy, but I prefer you to get lost in my redundant rhethoric and poorly written anecdotes. That's where all the real fun is. Plus, I just sounded like one of my English teachers just then.

The first month of second year is already in and ... I'm back to my lazy ways. Give me credit though, for almost trying to study in my free time. Maybe the first two weeks. Or it might've just been the one. I'm already the whole month behind on tons of homework (yes, they still give problem sets for math courses) and reviewing what I supposedly learned at the end of the day. But, there is that old familiar feeling that I seem to get every weekend: "Damn it, if it kills me, I'm catching up on the weekend", followed by, just before the minute it becomes Monday again with, "Well, the weekend's up, and I got nothing done". Seems to work fine for now. I should stick with it. It's futile to try anything otherwise.

Next up, Sudoku. Let's just say I didn't exactly get into it back in the day. Boy, did I sure pay that price. Of course, the old adage, practice makes perfect doesn't seem to apply for me. Feels more like practice makes embarassment. I try to do two puzzles every weekday - one from the Toronto Star (free on campus) and the Metro one. Of course, you could be sympathetic after you hear I've only been doing this for 2 or 3 months, but my lack of progress simply makes your optimism futile as well. I've noticed it, myself - standing there, looking like and idiot for minutes on end. I can usually find myself staring for over half an hour at the puzzle, perplexed and stupid enough to qualify for learning accessibility services. And, of course, the clincher is truly the part where I looked too hard for a simple solution - for 30 minutes. It usually takes me the whole commute, from near start to end to finish a puzzle. How long does it take for me to commute to and fro? Slightly over an hour. Yes, I hang my head in shame. Of course, a good excuse I've found is to "get tired" to get people to stop staring at me when I am ... stumped, for lack of a better word. Usually, I just fall asleep, so it saves me any extra embarassment.

And, to add to the list, give thanks to Henry. Obviously the curriculum at the University of Waterloo, or ULoo as I call it, is fairly lacking in some areas (see below). A futile effort on behalf of the teaching faculty, or so it seems.



Of course, elaboration: According to him, the answers in an online quiz as questions. Responses are all 'A'. Of course, when the same answer comes up on multiple choice it always looks fishy. Here follows a truncated, but accurate log (mostly to filter out the parts where I'm stupid):

hank. . .: lol
hank. . .: somethings very queer here
hank. . .: how come all my answers are 'A' so far
hank. . .: i hate it
Kelvin (Sober): are you sure its not you
hank. . .: because then it makes me doubt my answers
hank. . .: dude ims erious
hank. . .: 10 questions
Kelvin (Sober): yeah
hank. . .: all A
Kelvin (Sober): it does that
Kelvin (Sober): MAYBE THEY'RE ALL A
hank. . .: well we'll fucking see
hank. . .: if not
hank. . .: im going to cry
hank. . .: dude fuck
hank. . .: 12 questions
hank. . .: a~!
hank. . .: so i did chapt 2
hank. . .: and its all 'A's again
hank. . .: as unethical as it is
hank. . .: i just dont see the damn point in spending time reading over ecology shit
hank. . .: if they make it this easy
Kelvin (Sober): maybe you're doing it wrong
hank. . .: apparently i can submit a fake test
hank. . .: get teh answers
hank. . .: then do it again on my 2nd try
hank. . .: and get it all right
Kelvin (Sober): bahahaha
hank. . .: the professor or TA didnt try very hard
hank. . .: lol
hank. . .: chapt 3
hank. . .: on my 1st try
hank. . .: all A's
hank. . .: 100%
hank. . .: booyah!
hank. . .: Your response has been submitted successfully
Points Awarded 20
Points Missed 0
Percentage 100%

You can judge for yourself.

Next stop: back to normal

And just like that, summer vacation is over. Good riddance, I say. Wish it would come faster, because I'm still baking in this godforsaken weather. But at least it's been mostly dry this year. Humidity is an unnecessary cruelty.

Back to the grind. Well, I don't exactly operate (i.e. have classes) from 9 to 5 each day, but it'll be good to go back to a routine of sorts. Also, primetime tv as well returns, and of course, that means I had nothing to do for most of the summer (yes, nothing except nothing, which is something enough).

My summer can be summed up in: I did mostly nothing worth remembering, but I watched the Simpsons Movie, Rush Hour 3 and Mr. Bean's holiday. But that was about it. Oh and summer school, but it's not like this is an assignment. Nor am I getting marks.

I haven't caught up on my reading, so maybe I should. There's also alot of things "I should"s, but as soon as everything goes back to normal, that means I become just as lazy. It's just how I work. Perhaps I should get on Facebook more often. I haven't touched Facebook except maybe ... 3 times this year, and they lasted about 2 minutes each. Fantastic, aren't I?

Leaving me, leaving me here on my own

… but that’s all a lie. And yes, that line is also from that song. That I took a line from earlier.

I, unfortunately will not be my own. Hello again. Here is your week’s notice, because in some two week period between August 11 and 28, the old folks are off back home, leaving me and the two hellspawn creatures that are my siblings. I personally never liked flying, even before 9/11. Well, two or so weeks of freedom will do us some good, and when I use ‘us’, I refer to not me, because it will probably result, 13 hours and 43 minutes later that I will have to do everything myself, because neither one of my siblings can be trusted with watching the stove or oven. Might as well just turn the gas then light a match, same effect.

And now, take a breather. Not that the last paragraph was particularly long, that breather was for me. I think sometimes I take a little too long between entries. Or that may mean I live a very boring life. Or I’m lazy. How lazy? Must I say again? Well, I am writing this even though I promised myself this weekend I should be working on this assignment due next Thursday. “This weekend” proceeded to become “Saturday, after lunch”, which did not seem to pan out either. Maybe “Sunday, after lunch”, but I am planning to watch the Simpsons Movie, probably just before noon, so unless I lose my train of thought again I just might … what was I going on about now?

Oh yes, the last of my classes finish Thursday as well, which is when this assignment/presentation is due. I’m pretty sure I could do it on time, or even before, except I have this reminder that I am pretty lazy. I could be doing research, taking notes, preparing. Or I could be doing this. Obviously I am more important, so I am doing this for my own benefit, and I think I kept myself waiting long enough (anyone else who actually reads – but doesn’t comment, you fiends – also counts too. Just not as much as me).

Now before I forget:

The Thursday morning commute was a bit different. I may have stumbled on the subway train with more tourists (Tourists during rush hour? Doubt it), because the train driver who was announcing stops that morning at least had a sense of humour. And had proper annunciation; you cannot believe some of the drivers who mumble your next stop. Well, this guy, he was something else. Some of the most memorable lines include: “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all shapes and sizes, colours and origins … the next stop is Donlands, Donlands station.”, “It’s a beautiful day today in Toronto”, as we passed over the bridge over the Don Valley between Broadview and Castle Frank, “everyone enjoy your day and make the most of it” (or something along those lines). Lastly, which elicited a few chuckles was “Next stop is the Official Centre of the Universe, Bloor (-Yonge) Station”. If you get that joke, good, because I really don’t feel like explaining it right now. But it was funny. Pretty funny.

Weird tidbit: Weird things happen in bed, well, in this case, when I’m asleep. I go to sleep fully clothed (T-shirt, shorts, not winter pyjama attire), except I realize only after I take a late-night trip to the washroom do I realize I’m only down to my boxers. Such a mystery, I may need to film and document this … but that would be just a tad too creepy, even for me.

Some sad news: The ride is almost come to an end, because I’ve almost finished watching season 6 of Gilmour Girls. There are 7 seasons, which means at the pace I watch TV shows, this could be over before I start studying for my final test. Because I’m that lazy. But in all seriousness, Gilmour Girls was a good show, and damn those suits for cancelling it after all that, since all the characters, through good times and bad in their character development is always so likable, or even relatable. Sure, there aren’t guns blazing or SWAT teams busting through roofs or ninjas, but who says I can’t watch more than that? Screw your gender roles and stereotypes. Besides, Gilmour Girls was pretty funny.

Next TV season, new shows don’t look as promising though. There are maybe 4 or 5 new shows, and for the most part are dramadies, because that should be how life plays out, funny with a hint of “wow that was serious”. What am I watching out for?

Bionic Woman is a remake of the old 70s show, but better and contemporary. By the guys who remade Battlestar Galactica. No need to feel nerdy watching because it’s on a channel everyone gets, not some sci-fi specialty channel. Don’t worry, Heroes might’ve brought sci-fi to the mainstream.

Chuck is about a 20-year old something guy who becomes a human computer after his old roommate e-mails him everything all government secret like (CIA and friends), but the twist is he’s just a nerd who works in the tech department at a big box store. Geek and spy story, and it sounds interesting. (I could never figure out how to use geek and nerd, so sue me). Also Adam Baldwin from Firefly (Jayne) is one of the agents, so it doesn’t get better.

Reaper is about the main character Sam, who, strangely enough, also works at a big-box store (which is conveniently a Canadian Tire all dressed up differently), which he finds out when he turns 21, that his parents sold his soul to the devil, and the devil in turn recruits him to be his bounty hunter, collecting souls that escaped hell. The devil himself has a sense of humour, lucky/fortunate us

The Sarah Connor Chronicles is “the better sequel” to Terminator 2. Basically this is the better alternate universe (that is, Terminator 3 never happens), so it takes off two years after Terminator 2 (great movie), and the Connors are off to run from Terminators and travelling to 2008 to try to stop Judgement Day. Again. The ‘good’ terminator is the Summer Glau (River Tam from Firefly – what’s with all the Firefly? More awesome, obviously) and yes, she kicks shiny metal ass.

Yes, I watched all the pilot episodes, but if you’re a suit working for a big corporation and those last few paragraphs are just … coincidence. Coincidence … yes. Well, I’d watch it if they aired again, even with commercials. What I didn’t like was The Big Bang Theory, which is about a hot chick moving across the hall from a pair of nerds. When I say nerds, we are talking about the
1990s typical high-school chess-club, computer-club, A/V-club, Math-club, Algebra-club (because even they’re too intense for the math club) stereotypical nerds who basically watch frame-by-frame Star Wars/Star Trek/Battlestar Galactica for the slightest of hints. Needless to say, there goes their target audience. And the chick (her character at least) is a complete ditz (I’ll assume her being blonde is a total coincidence). The “jokes” are possibly funny, but that means you somehow ended up being in their target audience that didn’t turn away fast enough, even with the presence of a laugh track (which wasn’t put to much good use).

Oh wow, 1200 words. No, this is not practice for my 1000 word essay, which is part of my final assignment. But does it matter even if it was? Actually, I get docked points for going over 1000, which is the hard part. Damn these low word limits. Yes, I’m still horrible at conclusions in essay writing or not – still have and will probably always will be so I’ll just end it in the most classic way one can.

That’s it.

*goes back to seat*

Those idle hands...

... they are the devil's tools!

Well, I wouldn't try to make a movie out of this short-lived experience of mine (as such), and heck, I wouldn't even consider it even a partial or successful possession. And no, I am not trying to find anything funny about Happy Time, because this is not about it (If you've watched the Transformers movie it might sound familiar).

Ah yes, I forget, I may be talking to myself, but my senile, hysterical future self would kill me (if he had the time machine, the strength and something to rule out the paradox) for not writing down exactly what happened. Alright. Simply put, browsing the Internet late at night seems to qualify. At least for an automated probe by the possession forces of Lucifer/Satan/Lex Luthor (this list goes on and on). My finger twitched! As in, it had a mind of it's own! It took every ounce of willpower to beat it back to the hellish depths from whence it came. Give or take. I may have rolled a 20, which meant smooth sailing for me. I expect to have my room completely exorcised by the end of the week.

Lastly, I have discovered a smell that rivals Old Spice. Yes, Old Spice, I may or may not use it, and it is a familiar scent to those who do and know those who do. But take a towel that has been kept in a drawer for a lengthy amount of time (for the lack of a better term). An IKEA one, I might add. Bathe, then apply said towel in drying procedure. Apparently this scent (of a drawer) will overtake the mighty Old Spice. Or maybe not, I can never tell the two apart sometimes. But it's good if you want to pass off as being Swedish. Or an IKEA employee. Dye your hair bleach blonde, and you may pass as a Swedish IKEA employee.

I'm also more than meets the eye

So what about that Transformers movie? I thought it was pretty good, except, as some other people might've said, the robot forms were a little too busy and had too much on them. Whoever designed them did a helluva good job, just in the action sequences it gets kinda messy for the eyes (which haven't gone bad), although I would've just as much liked a throwback to the 80's designs, all blocky. I'm not exactly a hardcore Transformers fan, so I took most of the movie as it was instead of trying to compare it straight to the cartoons of yesteryear.

It was pretty entertaining, even though anyone who's watched a Steven Spielberg or Michael Bay film could probably tell it was pretty obvious who was in charge of which parts of the movie. And I'd be considered a neophyte in the field of moves. Well, at least, the moral of the story (and also the teen storyline) is that the only way you'll get the girl you've been pining for 10 years but hasn't acknowledged your existance is to get her caught up in saving the world with you. Now if I could only end up having to save the world...

I still hate the summer months, the air is hot and heavy, and as much as I like seeing girls in short attire, I wasn't made for this weather, no matter how much I was born in Hong Kong, aka humidity central (it's on the list, if there was a list).

And the first test for my biology class, results are out. Apparently:

The following is a breakdown of the class distribution:
A (>80%), 18.4%
B (70-79%), 28.6%
C (60-69%), 15.3%
D (50-59%), 22.4%
Less than 50%, 15.3%.

Now there's a reason why the classes have been so empty. I scored the in the B region. Yes, I'm just as dull as I seem.

It's a system

So, of all the worse times to be thinking of anything else, it just has to be during a test. On evolutionary biology, of all things. Anyways, it was all multiple choice, and it got me thinking that as I was going through my motions of doing multiple choice tests (which I completely loathe these days), I told myself, "Ye Gods, I have a system. How sad is that?"

Yes, apparently, a system for going through multiple choice tests, and is as follows:

• The goal is to run from one end of the test to the other as fast as possible, only answering what you can
  
• If I know it immediately, the corresponding spot on the scantron is filled
• If not, examine the question, see if the question and/or answers are wordy, and try to make an educated guess, or try to eliminate what I can
• If I can't, then I mark down on my scantron with a small scribble what I think would be the most likely - this may range between 1 and 3 - this helps in case I need to rush in the last few minutes and don't have time to think.
  
• I circle the number on the question page and cross out any eliminated answers to look at later
  
• lather, rinse, repeat until I reach the end
• start back at #1, then try to fill the rest in, taking my time.

If you can't figure out what the answer even remotely is, stop telling yourself you should've studied, and that bloodying the desk by slamming your head against it won't help your case. Though what I may suggest in the following may seem ... insane to do during a test, hey, if you don't know it and they you don't lose marks for guessing wrong, why not guess?

• If you can't decide from any of them, look away and point to one at random, or what I do, hold my pencil going up and down against my options, look away, then move my pencil up and down until I stop, then take what's there.
• if there are two possibilites left, think logically. If you can't, flip a coin, eraser, play rock-paper-scissors with the person beside you or something to figure out.

I take no responsibility for anyone doing this for real (besides myself), and it's your own darn fault for even trying to do anything I suggest, especially if it concerns something important. But it's damn fun, and the number of times you need to do this is a good indication of what you actually know (or think you know).

Although, looking back at this in hindsight, I shouldn't have said or typed a thing, and charged everyone to attend a class on taking multiple choice test stra by me. At least I could've made money. Oh well, what's done is done.


Funny coincidence of the day: at St. George subway station, they have posters up of the 10 girls in Canada's Next Top Model this year, and funny enough, all the girls that were eliminated (5 now) all have their faces plastered with a big red "X" to indicated they're gone. The strange thing is all of these 5 are on the Westbound side of the station. And they were always there, noone moved them whatsoever, they were the same since they were put up (don't ask how I would remember this. Really, don't ask). Strange, no?

I also bought Kelly Clarkson's new album, My December. It's not too bad, I probably just have to break it in by listening to it, but I'm sure Breakaway was better, though she's touched every song on this album. Oh, and go ahead and make jokes, but I won't be hurt, unless something like this happens to me.

No, I really bought it, take a looksee:



Kinda a shame noone even buys music anymore, that's why even Sam The Record Man is gone now. Most important thing is to vote with your money. If you take things like music or movies for free left and right, well, sure, your wallet is a little more full, but people who are trying to get some of that money are kinda gone. So, while I'm not saying buy everything at HMV, at least support your favourite artists, etc. by buying. I sound like a damn broken record saying it, but it's true, my naivete or not included. Or we could go utilitarian. Those guys sure have tons of fun.



Also, dumpy is an actual word. That would've helped me when I was trying to figure out that word in today's Jumble.

I hope everyone had a good Canada Day, maybe with a barbeque and everything, ending with watching some fireworks. I had to hold my face against the window with the lights off to make anything out from where I live and where my room faces. Happy 140, Canada.

Well, maybe next year...

Well, too bad for Ottawa, because they'll have to try again next year. If you're a Sens fan (you know who you all are, since there are so few of you), you might feel angry, distraught, betrayed, or other feelings. Do not fret, because you shall know the true value of telling yourself, "maybe next year"**. All the Leafs fans (like me) do it.

I, too, am feeling distraught, frustrated and betrayed, but not because of the Sens. I only watched the games because it was hockey, and I didn't root for either team, because who wants to cheer for Ottawa? And who wants to cheer for Anaheim in a room full of "Go Ottawa for the cup"-bandwagoners? I'm not that crazy. Well, let's just say it has something to do with the next SimCity, and how it's pissing off the community. Oh well, it seems we're going to stick with SimCity4. I am.

This week, my bio class has proven it actually has a sense of humour. Also, I'd like to have this down when I'm senile, old, grey haired and suffering from arthritis in my toes to read and dream about the "good 'ol days". A lecture on human evolution covered a part on sexual selection and the thesis of this book. It was quite a laugh to learn that females like guys with bigger brains (wait, did I italisize the wrong word again?) through the evolution of the human brain, so things like sense of humour completely outweighs things such as "he looks like and has the build of a pool boy or the man on the cover of a sappy romance novel". It apparently works both ways these days, but I always had a thing for smart and funny girls. ;)

Also, my lab manual is completely hilarious. According to exerpts of the lab instructions (especially more fun when reading this part completely out of context):

"Do not mate until instructed to do so by your instructor"
"Choose any student in the calss to mate with. Mates need not be of the opposite sex. You are completely promiscuous and cannot reject any suitor"

I nearly broke down and cried from laughter.


**Actual delusions sold seperately.