Roll up your sleeves and show off your tattoo, or I just don't understand people

Maybe it's just me, but my face began to convulse and form an expression resembling confusion as I watched someone leave the subway train, and for no inexplicable reason roll up his sleeves, blatantly showing off the tattoos on his arms. They didn't even look that good. I've seen better graffiti by my old elementary school. It really just seemed like his morning routine was: wake up, brush teeth, draw fake tattoos onto arms with Shaprie. Hey, if you don't believe me, here's a (rough) transcript of the conversation I was having. With myself:

Me to self: Oh man, it's too early, why am I only half awake this morning? I ate breakfast and everything ... say, why is that guy over there rolling up his sleeves?

Self to me: It looks like he's showing off his tattoos. But it's 8 in the morning, what would possess someone to do such a thing?

Me to self: They don't even look real, maybe I should tell him.

Self to me: Are you kidding? That guy is first of all, taller than you, and I'm pretty sure the size of your arms are the the size of his arm bones. Don't get us beat up saying something stupid.

Me to self: Fine.

The Girl with the Saliva-Soaked Wristband

Excuse me while I borrow a clichéd phrase, but it was like watching a train wreck. In slow motion. And the someone rewound the video and then made you watch it again once in slow motion then again at 16x speed. And then they turned on the commentary track and had the director describe how they used real human limbs in the scene. Oh, and then a Russian mobster caves your skull in with a baseball bat.

Did I go overboard again?

And now time for my triumphant return! (Or is it a reboot?)

Okay, so the first question you (in most cases myself, re-reading this) might have is, "What the hell? After so long?" Yes, after my last post in December 2007, I'm back! (Possibly with a vengeance; I haven't decided yet). After much goading from my inner voice (that never shuts up) and also the fact that I have no real outlet to express ... things anywhere else, this was an ideal time for my return. That means it's time to dust off the cupboards (that serve no real purpose, the doors don't even work!) and get back to typing about whatever thoughts that decide to squat in my mind. Unless it was a song I heard on the radio. Because I can google that stuff. I'm not stupid. Enough.

I wish you a Merry Christmas, PC people included

This is why political correctness is actually ruining society. People like us can't afford to celebrate Christmas without offending other people. It's not like we really needed to care what other people celebrate throughout the year, why pick on us? Sure, there is the other party across the street, or the one that can't seem to have a fixed day or whichever ones, mind you, but wouldn't you rather say "Merry Christmas" instead of Happy Holidays/. That's great you celebrate whatever, but Western Society deems that we celebrate Christmas. Sure, go ahead with all that state and church seperation and all that crap you can use to argue against it, but when I was 5, it was Christmas, and I didn't really notice the Christmas until I was 10. Maybe I was just a tad slow, but for those 5 years I really didn't care (compound my 'problem' - for you PC folk - with the fact I never paid attention in Catholic school) and I was basically an atheist the whole time! See, I didn't care! You've had about 2000 years to care! So shut your traps, because it's Christmas. And if you type Xmas, you better just be lazy...

Next, you'll all want Santa's sleigh to be a hybrid, force his toy factory to limit greenhouse gas emissions, to stop using Reindeer because it's animal cruelty and you'll want him to lose weight because he's a bad role model. Seriously...

You already ruined the Cookie Monster. Stop it. Cookies are not good "once-in-a-while", they are ALWAYS good.

Exercises in Futility

If I had to choose a tagline for my movie, this would probably be it. Of course, why would there be a movie about uninteresting people like me? Well, I'm sure the writers could add ninjas.

Futility, you have to love it. "Resistance is futile", and all those fun expressions. Obviously a humourous jumping off point for insulting myself. That is what I do, isn't it? What is so fruitless about my efforts, you may ask? A list might come in handy, but I prefer you to get lost in my redundant rhethoric and poorly written anecdotes. That's where all the real fun is. Plus, I just sounded like one of my English teachers just then.

The first month of second year is already in and ... I'm back to my lazy ways. Give me credit though, for almost trying to study in my free time. Maybe the first two weeks. Or it might've just been the one. I'm already the whole month behind on tons of homework (yes, they still give problem sets for math courses) and reviewing what I supposedly learned at the end of the day. But, there is that old familiar feeling that I seem to get every weekend: "Damn it, if it kills me, I'm catching up on the weekend", followed by, just before the minute it becomes Monday again with, "Well, the weekend's up, and I got nothing done". Seems to work fine for now. I should stick with it. It's futile to try anything otherwise.

Next up, Sudoku. Let's just say I didn't exactly get into it back in the day. Boy, did I sure pay that price. Of course, the old adage, practice makes perfect doesn't seem to apply for me. Feels more like practice makes embarassment. I try to do two puzzles every weekday - one from the Toronto Star (free on campus) and the Metro one. Of course, you could be sympathetic after you hear I've only been doing this for 2 or 3 months, but my lack of progress simply makes your optimism futile as well. I've noticed it, myself - standing there, looking like and idiot for minutes on end. I can usually find myself staring for over half an hour at the puzzle, perplexed and stupid enough to qualify for learning accessibility services. And, of course, the clincher is truly the part where I looked too hard for a simple solution - for 30 minutes. It usually takes me the whole commute, from near start to end to finish a puzzle. How long does it take for me to commute to and fro? Slightly over an hour. Yes, I hang my head in shame. Of course, a good excuse I've found is to "get tired" to get people to stop staring at me when I am ... stumped, for lack of a better word. Usually, I just fall asleep, so it saves me any extra embarassment.

And, to add to the list, give thanks to Henry. Obviously the curriculum at the University of Waterloo, or ULoo as I call it, is fairly lacking in some areas (see below). A futile effort on behalf of the teaching faculty, or so it seems.



Of course, elaboration: According to him, the answers in an online quiz as questions. Responses are all 'A'. Of course, when the same answer comes up on multiple choice it always looks fishy. Here follows a truncated, but accurate log (mostly to filter out the parts where I'm stupid):

hank. . .: lol
hank. . .: somethings very queer here
hank. . .: how come all my answers are 'A' so far
hank. . .: i hate it
Kelvin (Sober): are you sure its not you
hank. . .: because then it makes me doubt my answers
hank. . .: dude ims erious
hank. . .: 10 questions
Kelvin (Sober): yeah
hank. . .: all A
Kelvin (Sober): it does that
Kelvin (Sober): MAYBE THEY'RE ALL A
hank. . .: well we'll fucking see
hank. . .: if not
hank. . .: im going to cry
hank. . .: dude fuck
hank. . .: 12 questions
hank. . .: a~!
hank. . .: so i did chapt 2
hank. . .: and its all 'A's again
hank. . .: as unethical as it is
hank. . .: i just dont see the damn point in spending time reading over ecology shit
hank. . .: if they make it this easy
Kelvin (Sober): maybe you're doing it wrong
hank. . .: apparently i can submit a fake test
hank. . .: get teh answers
hank. . .: then do it again on my 2nd try
hank. . .: and get it all right
Kelvin (Sober): bahahaha
hank. . .: the professor or TA didnt try very hard
hank. . .: lol
hank. . .: chapt 3
hank. . .: on my 1st try
hank. . .: all A's
hank. . .: 100%
hank. . .: booyah!
hank. . .: Your response has been submitted successfully
Points Awarded 20
Points Missed 0
Percentage 100%

You can judge for yourself.

Next stop: back to normal

And just like that, summer vacation is over. Good riddance, I say. Wish it would come faster, because I'm still baking in this godforsaken weather. But at least it's been mostly dry this year. Humidity is an unnecessary cruelty.

Back to the grind. Well, I don't exactly operate (i.e. have classes) from 9 to 5 each day, but it'll be good to go back to a routine of sorts. Also, primetime tv as well returns, and of course, that means I had nothing to do for most of the summer (yes, nothing except nothing, which is something enough).

My summer can be summed up in: I did mostly nothing worth remembering, but I watched the Simpsons Movie, Rush Hour 3 and Mr. Bean's holiday. But that was about it. Oh and summer school, but it's not like this is an assignment. Nor am I getting marks.

I haven't caught up on my reading, so maybe I should. There's also alot of things "I should"s, but as soon as everything goes back to normal, that means I become just as lazy. It's just how I work. Perhaps I should get on Facebook more often. I haven't touched Facebook except maybe ... 3 times this year, and they lasted about 2 minutes each. Fantastic, aren't I?

Leaving me, leaving me here on my own

… but that’s all a lie. And yes, that line is also from that song. That I took a line from earlier.

I, unfortunately will not be my own. Hello again. Here is your week’s notice, because in some two week period between August 11 and 28, the old folks are off back home, leaving me and the two hellspawn creatures that are my siblings. I personally never liked flying, even before 9/11. Well, two or so weeks of freedom will do us some good, and when I use ‘us’, I refer to not me, because it will probably result, 13 hours and 43 minutes later that I will have to do everything myself, because neither one of my siblings can be trusted with watching the stove or oven. Might as well just turn the gas then light a match, same effect.

And now, take a breather. Not that the last paragraph was particularly long, that breather was for me. I think sometimes I take a little too long between entries. Or that may mean I live a very boring life. Or I’m lazy. How lazy? Must I say again? Well, I am writing this even though I promised myself this weekend I should be working on this assignment due next Thursday. “This weekend” proceeded to become “Saturday, after lunch”, which did not seem to pan out either. Maybe “Sunday, after lunch”, but I am planning to watch the Simpsons Movie, probably just before noon, so unless I lose my train of thought again I just might … what was I going on about now?

Oh yes, the last of my classes finish Thursday as well, which is when this assignment/presentation is due. I’m pretty sure I could do it on time, or even before, except I have this reminder that I am pretty lazy. I could be doing research, taking notes, preparing. Or I could be doing this. Obviously I am more important, so I am doing this for my own benefit, and I think I kept myself waiting long enough (anyone else who actually reads – but doesn’t comment, you fiends – also counts too. Just not as much as me).

Now before I forget:

The Thursday morning commute was a bit different. I may have stumbled on the subway train with more tourists (Tourists during rush hour? Doubt it), because the train driver who was announcing stops that morning at least had a sense of humour. And had proper annunciation; you cannot believe some of the drivers who mumble your next stop. Well, this guy, he was something else. Some of the most memorable lines include: “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all shapes and sizes, colours and origins … the next stop is Donlands, Donlands station.”, “It’s a beautiful day today in Toronto”, as we passed over the bridge over the Don Valley between Broadview and Castle Frank, “everyone enjoy your day and make the most of it” (or something along those lines). Lastly, which elicited a few chuckles was “Next stop is the Official Centre of the Universe, Bloor (-Yonge) Station”. If you get that joke, good, because I really don’t feel like explaining it right now. But it was funny. Pretty funny.

Weird tidbit: Weird things happen in bed, well, in this case, when I’m asleep. I go to sleep fully clothed (T-shirt, shorts, not winter pyjama attire), except I realize only after I take a late-night trip to the washroom do I realize I’m only down to my boxers. Such a mystery, I may need to film and document this … but that would be just a tad too creepy, even for me.

Some sad news: The ride is almost come to an end, because I’ve almost finished watching season 6 of Gilmour Girls. There are 7 seasons, which means at the pace I watch TV shows, this could be over before I start studying for my final test. Because I’m that lazy. But in all seriousness, Gilmour Girls was a good show, and damn those suits for cancelling it after all that, since all the characters, through good times and bad in their character development is always so likable, or even relatable. Sure, there aren’t guns blazing or SWAT teams busting through roofs or ninjas, but who says I can’t watch more than that? Screw your gender roles and stereotypes. Besides, Gilmour Girls was pretty funny.

Next TV season, new shows don’t look as promising though. There are maybe 4 or 5 new shows, and for the most part are dramadies, because that should be how life plays out, funny with a hint of “wow that was serious”. What am I watching out for?

Bionic Woman is a remake of the old 70s show, but better and contemporary. By the guys who remade Battlestar Galactica. No need to feel nerdy watching because it’s on a channel everyone gets, not some sci-fi specialty channel. Don’t worry, Heroes might’ve brought sci-fi to the mainstream.

Chuck is about a 20-year old something guy who becomes a human computer after his old roommate e-mails him everything all government secret like (CIA and friends), but the twist is he’s just a nerd who works in the tech department at a big box store. Geek and spy story, and it sounds interesting. (I could never figure out how to use geek and nerd, so sue me). Also Adam Baldwin from Firefly (Jayne) is one of the agents, so it doesn’t get better.

Reaper is about the main character Sam, who, strangely enough, also works at a big-box store (which is conveniently a Canadian Tire all dressed up differently), which he finds out when he turns 21, that his parents sold his soul to the devil, and the devil in turn recruits him to be his bounty hunter, collecting souls that escaped hell. The devil himself has a sense of humour, lucky/fortunate us

The Sarah Connor Chronicles is “the better sequel” to Terminator 2. Basically this is the better alternate universe (that is, Terminator 3 never happens), so it takes off two years after Terminator 2 (great movie), and the Connors are off to run from Terminators and travelling to 2008 to try to stop Judgement Day. Again. The ‘good’ terminator is the Summer Glau (River Tam from Firefly – what’s with all the Firefly? More awesome, obviously) and yes, she kicks shiny metal ass.

Yes, I watched all the pilot episodes, but if you’re a suit working for a big corporation and those last few paragraphs are just … coincidence. Coincidence … yes. Well, I’d watch it if they aired again, even with commercials. What I didn’t like was The Big Bang Theory, which is about a hot chick moving across the hall from a pair of nerds. When I say nerds, we are talking about the
1990s typical high-school chess-club, computer-club, A/V-club, Math-club, Algebra-club (because even they’re too intense for the math club) stereotypical nerds who basically watch frame-by-frame Star Wars/Star Trek/Battlestar Galactica for the slightest of hints. Needless to say, there goes their target audience. And the chick (her character at least) is a complete ditz (I’ll assume her being blonde is a total coincidence). The “jokes” are possibly funny, but that means you somehow ended up being in their target audience that didn’t turn away fast enough, even with the presence of a laugh track (which wasn’t put to much good use).

Oh wow, 1200 words. No, this is not practice for my 1000 word essay, which is part of my final assignment. But does it matter even if it was? Actually, I get docked points for going over 1000, which is the hard part. Damn these low word limits. Yes, I’m still horrible at conclusions in essay writing or not – still have and will probably always will be so I’ll just end it in the most classic way one can.

That’s it.

*goes back to seat*