The Girl with the Saliva-Soaked Wristband

Excuse me while I borrow a clichéd phrase, but it was like watching a train wreck. In slow motion. And the someone rewound the video and then made you watch it again once in slow motion then again at 16x speed. And then they turned on the commentary track and had the director describe how they used real human limbs in the scene. Oh, and then a Russian mobster caves your skull in with a baseball bat.

Did I go overboard again?


But the phrase holds true. I really could not take my eyes off the events unfolding in front of my eyes!

Let's paint the scene: One stop after I got on the subway, a bunch of high school students boarded the car I was sitting in. Without warning after leaving that station, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. I had to do a triple take because what I was witnessing was that confusing. Wait, it must be candy right? Candy! Please be candy! It wasn't candy.

That was pretty evident because she took it out of her mouth. And then back in again; repeat ad nauseum. Naturally could not take my eyes off her because of this fact (and if you are thinking otherwise, a dudebro would have given her at least an 8, "but dude, she's like, 16, bro [really]"; the point is moot unless you happen to be my little brother). She was standing in front of me a couple feet away and I could not possibly find any possible escape route. In retrospect I probably should have closed my eyes and sang along to whatever was playing on my iPod that morning. This was one of the days where I curse my excellent peripheral vision even though I wear glasses, plus the reflection in the window didn't seem to help much either.

What completely confuses me was how she just did it so nonchalantly in front a friend and in a train full of people. I mean, I have no problem doing something embarrassing or slightly weird in public. But it just went in and out, in and out, in and out. And then it just goes back on her wrist (right hand, if you were wondering). Apparently silicone is just that tasty.

(And I might as well fire off the rest of the terribly bad double entrendres: 'she put the entire thing in her mouth!', 'man, she gave that a thorough licking!', 'it came out smelling funny!', 'I wonder how many more she could fit in her mouth!', etc. [To be quite honest, I just came up with the last two a couple of moments ago.])


I really hope she washes that wristband on a regular basis. And her hands, in that case. This might be how people with mild OCD devolve into crazy germophobes that have to wash their hands at any possible opportunity. I'm afraid I have to go wash my hands now; they feel dirty just thinking about it.


[Also, if you didn't happen to catch to obvious reference the title made, you really need to crawl out from under your rock. Really. Loser. No, I didn't read the book either.]