Gearing up for Christmas

Christmas. Yes, Christmas.

And if you seem offended, well, too bad. I celebrate Christmas. You can celebrate whatever, I really don't care. But more power to you. This is what I hate about people turning "Merry Christmas" into "Happy Holidays". What happened? I seem to remember a time that when you told it to someone they didn't care less if they celebrated it or not, but now it seems like it's some kind of racial slur. Tolerance has gone down, just noone sees it.


Anyways, I was never the politically correct type, you have to put so much effort into not offending anyone, but that's what I'm much better at. And besides, there were times when you didn't have to be politically correct. Ah, yesterday. All my troubles seemed to far away.


But to the matter of Christmas. It's not being ruined by the fact that (again) there are more rambling morons who insist if you wish someone a "Merry Christmas" and they don't celebrate you, you deserved to be lynched in the public square. No, it's not that fear of some bombing or anything. If you live in Toronto, you'd know.

THE SNOW IS MISSING. WHERE IS THE SNOW? I DO NOT KNOW.

But I know who does.


This is a travesty. A TRAVESTY. A week before Christmas and where is the snow? I blame global warming. Everyone, Americans, Western Infidels, Mexican illegal immigrants (or aliens for your politically correct nutcases), the Kyoto protocol, the Taliban, Al Qaeda, Kim Jong-Il, George Bush, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Smurfs, the Carebears, WHATEVER. Blame whoever you want for Global warming, but why do we have to suffer for it? I, myself, had only one other ... (I shudder at the thought) Green Christmas. Back when I was maybe 7? But that doesn't matter. I don't want another one. But maybe I know who to ask. I shall address it in the form of a letter because prayer service is probably backed up at this time of year. Did I give it away? Probably. Well, He can read it for Himself and maybe I'll make him feel guilty and it'll snow within the week. We don't live in freaking Arizona.

My letter is as follows:

Dear God,

Why hasn't it snowed in Toronto yet? Is this your cruel idea of punishing us? We would very much like a White Christmas, please. And those poor souls who run the snow plow fleet every year would like to see work themselves. See, I'm not at all inconsiderate and only think of my own intentions. So, to reiterate, please have it snow by Christmas in Toronto, because not only is it unnatural for a Green Christmas in Toronto, there are others who need to find work during the winters of our city. Otherwise, please forward this to the appropriate deity who controls the weather, whether global or over the assigned area of Southern Ontario.

Thanks,
Kelvin





Yes, I'm going to Hell, but I might as well make the most of it :)



Now, with a week coming up before Christmas, there's much to be done. I actually bought my parents Christmas presents. I won't say what but I bought them ahead of time (last week of November, first week December). Now all I have to do is wrap them. And that is a difficult task for a guy. I'll admit it, but I'm willing to learn, only because I don't want to pay someone to do it. Also, I paid for these gifts myself, but I'll be nice and put my little brother's and sister's names on the tags anyways. Only because I should. What does that mean?

Me: Hey Winnie (sister), do you have 20$, help me pay for Christmas presents for the folks. Then we won't look like the bloodsucking leeches we are for at least a day.
Sister: NO.

Now I have a week to figure out how to wrap presents, and do it twice (and maybe more for practice). Wish me luck.


Now, last but not least, the decorations. Pictures later, but it's the standard fare at our house. 2 foot tall Christmas tree, lights being fixed outside the house (we don't take em down, we're lazy over here), and figures of angels and Xmas trees on the windows that flash. Then we have the family Christmas party where we usually invite whoever we're related to who's over in Canada to come. More of them means more presents for me.


Now, as for myself, I need to find my Santa hat. It is imperative that I do. Why? Many reasons why, but I shall tell you now. First, it is confortable; sure it gets hot if you leave it on for too long, but it is oh so comfortable. Second, it makes the ladies irresistable. You may think I'm lying, but I do not. I wore the exact same hat during Grade 11 and 12, and I can clearly recall (especially in French class) everyone wanted to wear it. And Carmen Chan kept trying to kill me to wear it. You can ask her. She'll deny it, but it's true. I don't lie.

Well, maybe I do, but not there.


Happy Holidays, but I only say that because it is the holidays. It'll be Merry Christmas when it's December 25th, and there isn't a thing you can do to stop me short of either killing me or ripping out my vocal chords. Do you worst.