Extreme experiments in eccentricity (alternatively: Awesome alliteration action!)

Now here's a blast from your high school past: alliteration! Sure, you may have thought it was just some dusty old poetic device, but I'm here to tell you it could be better than that (and if you forgot, take that minute to use the Internet to remind you).

Everything is better with alliteration! (Though I have yet to make that phrase into a nice alliteration)

It's going to come back in a big way, though certainly not because of me, because I don't command the attention of more than five people on the Internet (if your Googling adventures brought you here then I'm sorry, but you are now trapped; also, what in the world were you Googling anyways?). But here I am, getting the first foot in on a worldwide phenomenon, coming soon.

"Why, Kelvin?", you may ask, or even, "Did you get punched in the face by a passing cyclist?"

I have yet to be punched in the face by a passing cyclist (though I'm certain that day is coming) if that answers anything. As for why? Well, I simply woke up one day and decided to. Really.

Alliteration makes things sound much more interesting than they normally would, or at the very least make you sound smarter than you should be. One more step up that ivory tower! Let's conjure up some examples, shall we?

• Friends-with-benefits? More like carnal companions.
• A rather large and bothersome flightless bird? Why not say it's an obnoxious ostrich instead?
• They were K-I-S-S-I-N-G where? In a tree? Maybe you meant in Helen and Humphrey's hidey-hole!

Now I could go on forever, but you can't be excited for that long (it would actually kill you, and we wouldn't want that now, would we?). That, plus I forgot to write all the good ones I ad libbed weeks in advance for writing this or, perhaps at times they take a bit of premeditation and preparation to position them properly for proper potency (and I had twenty different titles for this entry too!). Or the first excuse. We wouldn't want you all dead on account of all my amazing alliterations!

No we wouldn't.